Red

Silent tears overflow
Across my cheeks and onto my breast
The breast that fed my child and once comforted my husband.

Life changes and bodies react
What once was, is no longer real
Real is awkwardness and puberty-like confusion

How can we be so committed to wholeness
Yet eager to release certain parts
Parts of safety, warmth, creation and root

In my redness I'm supposed to see light.
Release my perception of entireity and embrace my journey
Embrace my very creation and celebrate the spirit I am.

Today I faced a reality of my body. I have a prolapsed uterus and may and very likely will face having a hysterectomy. Why? So that I can live a fulfilling sexual life? My husband doesn't give a shit about my body. I don't think it makes me any less of a woman. But I'm thinking having a hysterectomy does for some reason. The other component to this is incontinence that I have lived with since a teenager and frankly has just been part of my life. Not real serious but something I adjust certain things for.

My home life is falling apart, my "home" in my body is falling apart and I just hurt.