Happy Birthday to Me.

A year ago today, I started this blog. It was a birthday gift to myself.

It doesn't take too much time to pass for us to see the difference in our life now does it? Lord, I don't know where to start. There are so many things that have happened. Friends, family, business, and fun have all blessed my life this past year.

The surgery didn't happen.
Separation did.

Business grew.
Business shrank.

My kids taught me about myself.
I learned.

I made choices.
I stood strong in them.

I laughed a lot
I cried more.

I found myself.
I embraced her...sometimes all alone.

I found peace.
I found pain.

I rediscovered my fun side.
I mourned the not so fun parts.

I wondered, I prayed, I thanked.
I created, I forgave, I loved.

I lived; and I survived and I will continue to do so with a smile on my face and a rainbow in my heart.

Happy Birthday to me.

This Little Light of Mine

A beautiful woman calls her friend out in the open.

Her friend resists the publicity but reaches up trusting her.

Sometimes it is better to cry with someone.
Sometimes it's okay to share your wallow.
Sometimes it's not wise to broadcast your feelings.
Sometimes it's best not to share.

However, with this genuine light, she reminds her friend of her own light, her own strengths and her own glorious path.

She reminds her of the laughter and acceptance of their friendship. She reminds her how loving she is; fun she is; strong she is; the good mom she is.

Life is indeed a mirror and by honoring the beauty, uniqueness, determination, vulnerability, voluptuousness of her friend she can do the same within her.

By healing others, we heal ourselves.

Thank you shining light. Thank you for reminding me of where my light is and that it's okay for it to dim once in a while.

In loving admiration,
Me.

I Have My Own Dream.

I have my own dream.

I am happy where I am; grateful for everything I have.
Peaceful in my own chair, at my own desk.
Knowing I have so much to offer, so much to learn
Trusting the I have what I need when I need it most.

I do have a dream.

A dream of a sunny kitchen with tiled floors and new appliances
Of marbled counter-tops and rich cabinets
Chatting and laughter, dancing and singing
All the sounds of a happy home.

I do have dream

A dream of cooking teams and great meals
Hugs and candlelight dinners; gentle jazz swooning
Thought-full discussions and passionate statements
Truth of a worthy life and existence.

I do have a dream.

A dream where my kids have role models
Bearing witness to their mom being honoured, cherished and loved.
And being testament to the love their mom has for others
A teasing love, a true love, a forever love.

I do have a dream.

Of sitting on the floor to talk about something so low
A reality of where some feelings go
Determination to stay together no matter what
Talking, sorting, deciding needn’t been lofty but grounded.

I do have a dream.

A dream of sleeping in the most restful and trusted arms
Of speaking my truth and without rejection, reluctance or rebuttal
Being challenged, encouraged and included without judgment
Loving for sharing; singing for exuberance, exalting the one and only me.

Puck's Morning Catch

Where does this come from, this new-found peace
Someplace I feel warm and safe and at ease
Your chuckle your smile, your jesting and care
Leave me wondering and grateful for all of you do spare

And off you do go apres good morning kiss
Au travail on your 'cycle along with a wish
Of only good things and only good thoughts
For upon your return my heart is right there

...already caught.

Mr. G-G Eyes

Softening from your smile

Cradling your thoughts

Promising proper kisses

Gazing at the great dark sky.

Blushing at the thought of you.

Twinkling when I speak of you.

Exhaling when I feel from you.

Mirroring all that is good from you.

...for you.

Pillow Talk

Touch me, alight me. I offer my skin; it's yours to explore.
Thoughts linger, and follow the music of night-time discussion.
Stories flow, laughter follows.
Piecing the quilt of your experience of life.

Clubs & pals common in trials, bonded in liquor.
Judgment set aside; compassion extended to the lesser.
Tough exterior, soft, thoughtful gaze;
Wrangling everyday choices; considering the next phase.

I am grateful for you...

Your perspective,
Your appreciation,
Your acceptance,
Your gentleness,
Your soft voice,
Your love.

Morning Thoughts

I woke thinking of you
Depth and joy in eyes special hue.
Peaceful swirls of colour surround
Gentle kisses without a sound, abound.

Stretch and sigh, longing am I
To merge...the urge...to solidify
Emotions, desires, passions and cares
My naked self I do bare.

Stringing along temptations so slight
Fences and negligees, neighbours despite
Fun and teasing, you hold on so tight
For final kisses and dreams of delight.

In the Moment

Thinking of you and your touch
Voracious or sweet; doesn't matter much
Calmness and peace prevail
A gentle wind in my sails

Slight curve at the corners of my mouth
Align with the light in my eyes
The velvet of my shoulders
The slope of my hip

Fire
Desire
Inspire
Conspire.

Walk with Me.

The garden is secret;
Leaves rich, dense and sensuous.
Desirable, touchable, drinkable;
Barefooted we travel on her moss.

Surprise pockets and bursts of musk discovered.
Dragonflies touch down to rest.
Crickets stridulating in rhythm where
Sound is heavy, leaving little reverberation.

Palpable nature; honeysuckle sweetness.
Lingering dampness catches skin leaving
Wet kisses from maidens before.
As we dance on the garden floor.

One Candle Light

Sweet notes.
Intense kisses.
Thoughts give way to impulses.

Allow the goodness.
Feel the tenderness.
Absorbing your attention to my skin.

Breezes of gratitude and peace flow over us
A lover's embrace twisted with undeniable desire
Moments steeped in acceptance and respect
Etched in my memory forever.

Shelving the past and opening to new
Resting, releasing, offering.
A circle without judgment, without restraint.
Shine your light; I'm delighted to dance within those sacred beams.

One candle alone can't help but attract another.

We'll see how this looks in the morning....just a few wine soaked thoughts

I think I can now empathize with what being alone means. Alone and out of reach is different than plain old, no one nearby. It’s different when you are left alone by choice. It’s difficult to know there are people not very far away who choose not to be with you anymore.

It stings. It’s hurtful.

Energy sucking it is to keep moving forward; keep choosing to put one foot in front of the other. I miss my kids that is certain. I know they are safe and having fun and will undoubtedly run into my open arms with gusto like a plate of their favourite meal. I know them and know they will return like the proverbial bird once set free.

Just as there is an opening in my heart for someone who is my match, there is a void that could only provide the space for the companion. I guess the choice here is focus on the potential not the gap.

My children sustain me, give my days structure and love and responsibility. Something that may be lacking for others if only in an excuse to do/or not to do something. They both provide parameters for my choices; ensure that I give thought to most of my action; conscious of the consequences not only for me but reverberation to them. I choose love not fear; patience not guilt; laughter not regret. I am nothing if I cannot present choice and unwavering confidence in the ability of my children. Only that can I model and offer as my humility.

Sabina-Shawina.

Gawd; I had no idea I hadn't let loose
Really let it all go, kick off my shoes
Shake my body; let it groove to my music
Inside my core only shared with the intrinsic

Show me how to let it howl
Get down on the ground and growl
Be silly, and goofy, and childish
Roll around and giggle; be outlandish

Let me be sassy, let out the fox
Cougars or tigers out of the box
Hoot and holler, squeal and reel
Dance and carry on; how good it feels!

Weather Balloon Dreams

I fell like such a dummy.
Resolves suddenly crumbly
What was I thinking, where to go now?
My sympathies returned somehow.

When you fall in love with potential
When a dream is exponential
Like a balloon you've had to let go
And weather the winds to and fro

But when your vessel is broken and torn
And you've run out of hot air, only scorn
Once you've run out of life and breath,
It's time to cut the strings, and see what's left

Touch, Love, Live.

My body hums, my lips eager to breathe a gift of love. Can you see through the longing in the arch of my back and curl of my toes, the tension in my back blades? To nuzzle in the sling of your shoulder and neck I do remember.

The purring resonates and the whisper of your breath creates a moment so soft. Dark chocolate centres make me swhirl in their bounty of experience and call me unto you.

One little gesture, subtle language, and my body alights. I want to feel beautiful for me so it can radiate to you. I want to smile and laugh and be infectious to me and then recognized and desired by you.

I want to feel, I want to touch, I want to love.

Stand Tall

Oh how can I tell you how I feel
When my open heart is so real
To stay out of the way of myself
Putting vulnerability on the top shelf

I love and want and desire all at once
My limitations, my fears I musn't denounce.
The best for you, the best of you I hope
The essence of love thought but never spoke

Without commitment, without tangled limbs
Fostering companionship is what we give
You've shown me through your eyes
What I've suspected and can now realize

Sometimes jumbled, sometimes blundered
Within your laugh and courage I am humbled
Sacred and revered our circle rounds strong
Wondering to what end this bond belongs

Please know I stand tall
With you, I see above it all

I am grateful for who you are
The little boy who's come so far.

Saturday Satisfaction

It's raining but I don't care
Feeling really great I do dare
To keep my spirit high and aware
My essence and light to the world I share.

Moments like these are important to imbibe
So many people, for this they do strive
Dramas and excuses often contrived
To deny new growth once life arrived

Audacious, bold and a dash of grace
Give me some room to show my face
Who wants to dance and forget the race
Gentle footprints all over the place.

Swirl and twirl arm and arm
Leave our mark with no harm
The world is ours the sun so warm
Prosperity, love and respect do swarm

Eclipse Sunrise

Where have you been, what have you done?
Our connection has been burnt by the sun
Eclipse or not life has changed
You feel very estranged

Hurt is covered by practical thinking
Why can't you tell me just start speaking
I love you and hurt you this I know
A desire for closeness again I can't sow

I feel your pain your lack of support
Please know I care, let me into your fort
I wonder, ponder and pray
We can have fun again some day.

Words can influence in ways of motion
Questioning those in degrees of devotion
I've left huge gaps and made other choices
Too late did I realize, my ears took other voices

If I'd followed my heart and let my song sing
A different joy I'd have for you to ring
Truth be known I couldn't find my tune
And hope dearly our care isn't in ruin.

Rise

Twinkling keys warm my emotions
Letting them flow is causing commotion
With my senses heightened & grated heart
I wonder how one day can be so a la cart.

Choose this or that it doesn't matter
Our lives are made up for things that scatter
To the wind, to the earth we do not know
How things will develop, how things will go

Determined sometimes there is no other way
To keep our truths and heartaches at bay
So I tell you keep your head held high
Dream your dreams, your ideas up to they sky

Take in all you can with the sorrow, with the grins
Know you're the best you can be will all the has-beens
For without the steps, the trips, the falls
You will grow: You will rise above it all.

Ugly with a Full Nappy

I'm so angry and that makes me ugly
Why do I react this way; not even smugly
Can't determine which tipped the scale
And which emotion is the biggest whale.

Reacting to appease is probably the pattern
Getting real not easy for all concerned
So much thinking to change and be clear
To bring those I love and keep them near

It just makes sick to see how he's coping
Empty cartons, time to think I'm hoping
A hurt bird trying to find his way
Only not quite sure which way to sway

Parents wanting to help and contribute
Doubts on how to act and substitute
I just want my kids to be open & happy
And not have to deal with what's left in the nappy.

Friends In Need In Deed.

Two lads more like brothers they'd be
There to help and support me
Heaving and pushing still keeping a smile
Chatting and chortling all the while.

Filing cabinets, desk and a blanket of dust
Total exposure of what is a must
Hovering hurt to sithe as we load
Three cars, one hour, in a row we rode.

Grateful I am for these two blokes
No doubts or questions ever spoke
Just where can we help, you can count on us
Will love, respect, and all kinds of trust

Schmob and Sparticus, I thank thee
For supporting my journey whatever that be
You're there for my life I know it's true
Please know I reciprocate the same for you.