I think I can now empathize with what being alone means. Alone and out of reach is different than plain old, no one nearby. It’s different when you are left alone by choice. It’s difficult to know there are people not very far away who choose not to be with you anymore.
It stings. It’s hurtful.
Energy sucking it is to keep moving forward; keep choosing to put one foot in front of the other. I miss my kids that is certain. I know they are safe and having fun and will undoubtedly run into my open arms with gusto like a plate of their favourite meal. I know them and know they will return like the proverbial bird once set free.
Just as there is an opening in my heart for someone who is my match, there is a void that could only provide the space for the companion. I guess the choice here is focus on the potential not the gap.
My children sustain me, give my days structure and love and responsibility. Something that may be lacking for others if only in an excuse to do/or not to do something. They both provide parameters for my choices; ensure that I give thought to most of my action; conscious of the consequences not only for me but reverberation to them. I choose love not fear; patience not guilt; laughter not regret. I am nothing if I cannot present choice and unwavering confidence in the ability of my children. Only that can I model and offer as my humility.
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