Happy Birthday to Me.

A year ago today, I started this blog. It was a birthday gift to myself.

It doesn't take too much time to pass for us to see the difference in our life now does it? Lord, I don't know where to start. There are so many things that have happened. Friends, family, business, and fun have all blessed my life this past year.

The surgery didn't happen.
Separation did.

Business grew.
Business shrank.

My kids taught me about myself.
I learned.

I made choices.
I stood strong in them.

I laughed a lot
I cried more.

I found myself.
I embraced her...sometimes all alone.

I found peace.
I found pain.

I rediscovered my fun side.
I mourned the not so fun parts.

I wondered, I prayed, I thanked.
I created, I forgave, I loved.

I lived; and I survived and I will continue to do so with a smile on my face and a rainbow in my heart.

Happy Birthday to me.

This Little Light of Mine

A beautiful woman calls her friend out in the open.

Her friend resists the publicity but reaches up trusting her.

Sometimes it is better to cry with someone.
Sometimes it's okay to share your wallow.
Sometimes it's not wise to broadcast your feelings.
Sometimes it's best not to share.

However, with this genuine light, she reminds her friend of her own light, her own strengths and her own glorious path.

She reminds her of the laughter and acceptance of their friendship. She reminds her how loving she is; fun she is; strong she is; the good mom she is.

Life is indeed a mirror and by honoring the beauty, uniqueness, determination, vulnerability, voluptuousness of her friend she can do the same within her.

By healing others, we heal ourselves.

Thank you shining light. Thank you for reminding me of where my light is and that it's okay for it to dim once in a while.

In loving admiration,
Me.

I Have My Own Dream.

I have my own dream.

I am happy where I am; grateful for everything I have.
Peaceful in my own chair, at my own desk.
Knowing I have so much to offer, so much to learn
Trusting the I have what I need when I need it most.

I do have a dream.

A dream of a sunny kitchen with tiled floors and new appliances
Of marbled counter-tops and rich cabinets
Chatting and laughter, dancing and singing
All the sounds of a happy home.

I do have dream

A dream of cooking teams and great meals
Hugs and candlelight dinners; gentle jazz swooning
Thought-full discussions and passionate statements
Truth of a worthy life and existence.

I do have a dream.

A dream where my kids have role models
Bearing witness to their mom being honoured, cherished and loved.
And being testament to the love their mom has for others
A teasing love, a true love, a forever love.

I do have a dream.

Of sitting on the floor to talk about something so low
A reality of where some feelings go
Determination to stay together no matter what
Talking, sorting, deciding needn’t been lofty but grounded.

I do have a dream.

A dream of sleeping in the most restful and trusted arms
Of speaking my truth and without rejection, reluctance or rebuttal
Being challenged, encouraged and included without judgment
Loving for sharing; singing for exuberance, exalting the one and only me.

Puck's Morning Catch

Where does this come from, this new-found peace
Someplace I feel warm and safe and at ease
Your chuckle your smile, your jesting and care
Leave me wondering and grateful for all of you do spare

And off you do go apres good morning kiss
Au travail on your 'cycle along with a wish
Of only good things and only good thoughts
For upon your return my heart is right there

...already caught.

Mr. G-G Eyes

Softening from your smile

Cradling your thoughts

Promising proper kisses

Gazing at the great dark sky.

Blushing at the thought of you.

Twinkling when I speak of you.

Exhaling when I feel from you.

Mirroring all that is good from you.

...for you.

Pillow Talk

Touch me, alight me. I offer my skin; it's yours to explore.
Thoughts linger, and follow the music of night-time discussion.
Stories flow, laughter follows.
Piecing the quilt of your experience of life.

Clubs & pals common in trials, bonded in liquor.
Judgment set aside; compassion extended to the lesser.
Tough exterior, soft, thoughtful gaze;
Wrangling everyday choices; considering the next phase.

I am grateful for you...

Your perspective,
Your appreciation,
Your acceptance,
Your gentleness,
Your soft voice,
Your love.

Morning Thoughts

I woke thinking of you
Depth and joy in eyes special hue.
Peaceful swirls of colour surround
Gentle kisses without a sound, abound.

Stretch and sigh, longing am I
To merge...the urge...to solidify
Emotions, desires, passions and cares
My naked self I do bare.

Stringing along temptations so slight
Fences and negligees, neighbours despite
Fun and teasing, you hold on so tight
For final kisses and dreams of delight.

Sky to Earth

The stars dance as I adjust my eyes
How can there be so many?
How many can see as I do?
So vast, so far, yet linking us.

Majestic mountains ground
And running waters sooth
Minds and emotions run amok
Returning to home, resting in gaia.

Stillness fills my lungs
I feel the pulse in my feet
“Thank you” I give to her
Praise to her rhythm.

In the Moment

Thinking of you and your touch
Voracious or sweet; doesn't matter much
Calmness and peace prevail
A gentle wind in my sails

Slight curve at the corners of my mouth
Align with the light in my eyes
The velvet of my shoulders
The slope of my hip

Fire
Desire
Inspire
Conspire.

Walk with Me.

The garden is secret;
Leaves rich, dense and sensuous.
Desirable, touchable, drinkable;
Barefooted we travel on her moss.

Surprise pockets and bursts of musk discovered.
Dragonflies touch down to rest.
Crickets stridulating in rhythm where
Sound is heavy, leaving little reverberation.

Palpable nature; honeysuckle sweetness.
Lingering dampness catches skin leaving
Wet kisses from maidens before.
As we dance on the garden floor.

One Candle Light

Sweet notes.
Intense kisses.
Thoughts give way to impulses.

Allow the goodness.
Feel the tenderness.
Absorbing your attention to my skin.

Breezes of gratitude and peace flow over us
A lover's embrace twisted with undeniable desire
Moments steeped in acceptance and respect
Etched in my memory forever.

Shelving the past and opening to new
Resting, releasing, offering.
A circle without judgment, without restraint.
Shine your light; I'm delighted to dance within those sacred beams.

One candle alone can't help but attract another.

We'll see how this looks in the morning....just a few wine soaked thoughts

I think I can now empathize with what being alone means. Alone and out of reach is different than plain old, no one nearby. It’s different when you are left alone by choice. It’s difficult to know there are people not very far away who choose not to be with you anymore.

It stings. It’s hurtful.

Energy sucking it is to keep moving forward; keep choosing to put one foot in front of the other. I miss my kids that is certain. I know they are safe and having fun and will undoubtedly run into my open arms with gusto like a plate of their favourite meal. I know them and know they will return like the proverbial bird once set free.

Just as there is an opening in my heart for someone who is my match, there is a void that could only provide the space for the companion. I guess the choice here is focus on the potential not the gap.

My children sustain me, give my days structure and love and responsibility. Something that may be lacking for others if only in an excuse to do/or not to do something. They both provide parameters for my choices; ensure that I give thought to most of my action; conscious of the consequences not only for me but reverberation to them. I choose love not fear; patience not guilt; laughter not regret. I am nothing if I cannot present choice and unwavering confidence in the ability of my children. Only that can I model and offer as my humility.

Sabina-Shawina.

Gawd; I had no idea I hadn't let loose
Really let it all go, kick off my shoes
Shake my body; let it groove to my music
Inside my core only shared with the intrinsic

Show me how to let it howl
Get down on the ground and growl
Be silly, and goofy, and childish
Roll around and giggle; be outlandish

Let me be sassy, let out the fox
Cougars or tigers out of the box
Hoot and holler, squeal and reel
Dance and carry on; how good it feels!

Weather Balloon Dreams

I fell like such a dummy.
Resolves suddenly crumbly
What was I thinking, where to go now?
My sympathies returned somehow.

When you fall in love with potential
When a dream is exponential
Like a balloon you've had to let go
And weather the winds to and fro

But when your vessel is broken and torn
And you've run out of hot air, only scorn
Once you've run out of life and breath,
It's time to cut the strings, and see what's left

Touch, Love, Live.

My body hums, my lips eager to breathe a gift of love. Can you see through the longing in the arch of my back and curl of my toes, the tension in my back blades? To nuzzle in the sling of your shoulder and neck I do remember.

The purring resonates and the whisper of your breath creates a moment so soft. Dark chocolate centres make me swhirl in their bounty of experience and call me unto you.

One little gesture, subtle language, and my body alights. I want to feel beautiful for me so it can radiate to you. I want to smile and laugh and be infectious to me and then recognized and desired by you.

I want to feel, I want to touch, I want to love.

Precious Perfume

I have a little bottle, it's just for you
And it has a perfect spot, your own perfect hue.
It's shaped just right and it's content reflects
A special light, a friendship, one with respect.

So within this precious glass is a personality all yours
Opportunity for connection- thoughts opening doors
In our minds there's room despite guarded emotions
For friends of all kinds...aromas, delicacies, devotions

Gluttony can be our demise, and some scents sting
But everything in good measure, pleasure it does bring
And so with that my cherished friend like perfume
I put you on the shelf sometimes and let life resume.

Stand Tall

Oh how can I tell you how I feel
When my open heart is so real
To stay out of the way of myself
Putting vulnerability on the top shelf

I love and want and desire all at once
My limitations, my fears I musn't denounce.
The best for you, the best of you I hope
The essence of love thought but never spoke

Without commitment, without tangled limbs
Fostering companionship is what we give
You've shown me through your eyes
What I've suspected and can now realize

Sometimes jumbled, sometimes blundered
Within your laugh and courage I am humbled
Sacred and revered our circle rounds strong
Wondering to what end this bond belongs

Please know I stand tall
With you, I see above it all

I am grateful for who you are
The little boy who's come so far.

Saturday Satisfaction

It's raining but I don't care
Feeling really great I do dare
To keep my spirit high and aware
My essence and light to the world I share.

Moments like these are important to imbibe
So many people, for this they do strive
Dramas and excuses often contrived
To deny new growth once life arrived

Audacious, bold and a dash of grace
Give me some room to show my face
Who wants to dance and forget the race
Gentle footprints all over the place.

Swirl and twirl arm and arm
Leave our mark with no harm
The world is ours the sun so warm
Prosperity, love and respect do swarm

The Backyard

Ah, the feel of soil on my hands
The dirt so moist and happy as planned
Worms squiggle and I stir the earth
Uncovered, slimming and widening its' girth.

The sun, the breeze, so light it seems
Trim out the old make room for new dreams
Little saplings, clipped dead branches, new shoots
Hellos from neighbours all day what a hoot!

Giving a new place your special stamp
Takes thought and enthusiasm to re-vamp
All the while you consider what you'll think
As time goes by and kids have grown in a blink

Inner glee at neighbourhood children
Running and tagging and kicking
Time to go home, clean up, call it a day
For another like this we pray!

Eclipse Sunrise

Where have you been, what have you done?
Our connection has been burnt by the sun
Eclipse or not life has changed
You feel very estranged

Hurt is covered by practical thinking
Why can't you tell me just start speaking
I love you and hurt you this I know
A desire for closeness again I can't sow

I feel your pain your lack of support
Please know I care, let me into your fort
I wonder, ponder and pray
We can have fun again some day.

Words can influence in ways of motion
Questioning those in degrees of devotion
I've left huge gaps and made other choices
Too late did I realize, my ears took other voices

If I'd followed my heart and let my song sing
A different joy I'd have for you to ring
Truth be known I couldn't find my tune
And hope dearly our care isn't in ruin.

Rise

Twinkling keys warm my emotions
Letting them flow is causing commotion
With my senses heightened & grated heart
I wonder how one day can be so a la cart.

Choose this or that it doesn't matter
Our lives are made up for things that scatter
To the wind, to the earth we do not know
How things will develop, how things will go

Determined sometimes there is no other way
To keep our truths and heartaches at bay
So I tell you keep your head held high
Dream your dreams, your ideas up to they sky

Take in all you can with the sorrow, with the grins
Know you're the best you can be will all the has-beens
For without the steps, the trips, the falls
You will grow: You will rise above it all.

Ugly with a Full Nappy

I'm so angry and that makes me ugly
Why do I react this way; not even smugly
Can't determine which tipped the scale
And which emotion is the biggest whale.

Reacting to appease is probably the pattern
Getting real not easy for all concerned
So much thinking to change and be clear
To bring those I love and keep them near

It just makes sick to see how he's coping
Empty cartons, time to think I'm hoping
A hurt bird trying to find his way
Only not quite sure which way to sway

Parents wanting to help and contribute
Doubts on how to act and substitute
I just want my kids to be open & happy
And not have to deal with what's left in the nappy.

Friends In Need In Deed.

Two lads more like brothers they'd be
There to help and support me
Heaving and pushing still keeping a smile
Chatting and chortling all the while.

Filing cabinets, desk and a blanket of dust
Total exposure of what is a must
Hovering hurt to sithe as we load
Three cars, one hour, in a row we rode.

Grateful I am for these two blokes
No doubts or questions ever spoke
Just where can we help, you can count on us
Will love, respect, and all kinds of trust

Schmob and Sparticus, I thank thee
For supporting my journey whatever that be
You're there for my life I know it's true
Please know I reciprocate the same for you.

Out of The Cave.

The day feels dark, cold, and suppressing
My body estranged and confused before dressing.
No desire to rise and face the day
Only disgust with thoughts dense as clay.

One foot on the floor thanks to my angel
Praying for guidance and stability to wrangle
Cereal filling bowls and the dog needing to piddle
Brought me out of my sludge putting habit to riddle

Releasing resistance to the drops in the shower
Over my core, my body, my personal power
Accepting something different I choose
Ideas of love, and self respect I peruse.

The sun is up it turns out after all
One step at a time, no more need to stall.
You can stand in your Self in complete dignity
Shine your light, beautiful, sincere for all to see.

9 MAR 9

The ninth day of the third month
The owls chortle this final grunt
Friends shall brand a sorry heart
Nothing left, not even a spark

Tu-wit tu-woo from one end to the other
The knowing, blessed connection to Mother
A lighter, younger nightly responder
I offer my thoughts and emotions to yonder

Choices sent to the great white moon
Devotions to a better life coming soon
Circles of intentions all welled up tight
Off for a walk I must go tonight.

Dogs run at will jingling in their wind
Guardians protect and never cringe
The barriers are broken, the line is drawn
Tomorrow brings a brand new dawn

Healing Tokens

The shudder alerted me
To something no one could see
A release I hadn't expected
Goodbye to fears protected.

To mother earth I now go
And bring her objects to show
How much I desire her guidance
Through this change of existence.

Three feathers I found for me
For my kids two pine cones theyd' be
Some Cedar for my mom and pop
Corn cob for the others a prop

A chunk of wood for the last
All within the circle I craft
Tokens of my inner world I know
A new life from which will grow.

Release the fears and restrictions
Adios all the hold-backs and addictions
A new journey for us awaits
All leading to heaven's gates.

So no tears, aggression or represssion
Only open arms and love of progression
For us all to have direct connection
To our best lives we've been given direction.

Grand-Woman

Women are strong, we must be, she said
For men and children need us for Aye to Zed
But you mustn't forget what makes you happy
Because you're beautiful, sexy and lovely.

Long stockings wore for lover's attention
And proper stilettos for Samba's and tensions
Dance, dear girl, have a good time
Since life CAN be lived on only a dime.

Marriages and lovers can wreck or demise
But only if you let clouds cover your eyes
Don't ever sell yourself short to cavort
and always remember to be a good sport.

You deserve all life has to offer
Now go get it my dear,
I will always be near with a cheer.

A Lady@80

With ears sympathetic from years of life

She listens to each of us without any fiest

And holds our thoughts close and dear

Wrapped with messages honest and sincere.

My Grandma, Ms. Positive most of the time

Although I don’t often drop her line

She knows how cherished she is in my heart

That only from this world would we ever part

Goofy and Newfie we love her so

She nurtures and guides us to and fro

Life is too short she often does say

Even when the clouds are quiet and grey.

Great Grandma Di-Di lives way over there

Say the little ones while in their dinner chair

And Poppa Moe too we mustn’t forget

Bringing smiles to Gram ever since they met!

Road trips and visits and caring thoughts too

Grandma shares much with her crew.

Love and acceptance and a wild side she doles

I’m grateful to know her, a beautiful soul.

Sisters Stay With Me.

Words can hurt, words can empower
Sisters are there no matter what hour
In times of truth, in times of elation
Ready they are to support my emanation

Whispers of encouragement, statements of what is
'No matter what' promises of love and 'get down to biz'
Still I'm afraid of losing their faith and respect
In this difficult time of different beliefs I detect.

True to me, true to you; there's no other way to be
Sister support has determination, wild and free
Sometimes nutty, sometimes pithy
Always there in my vulnerability.

I thank you my sisters, your words echo loud
Even in times when I say little, and wear a shroud
For without my own knowing, I cannot share my thoughts
Please know your efforts are not forgot and mean a lot.

Dashboard Distance

Split lips and broken dreams
So hurtful it sometimes seems
Memories fill my heart with mist
Essential to appreciate so many gifts

Disappointments abound with no apology
Acceptance of a life that will no longer be
Bring in the light, the love, the forgiveness
And save us all from residual bitterness

We are who we are, and each a piece of the other
Forward we will move without any more cover
Basking in sunlight, moonlight, or by dashboard glow
Our love for each other has changed, that we know.

Today I am tired and uneasy in my freedom
Where are my markers for routine and breathe'en
My ring finger has been naked for almost a year
Pictures of our babies bring back memories that sear.

To a better place we go you and I
And with that a great big sigh
That someday again we will find what we need
Until then, separate ways is best indeed.

Chef Columba

Bolognese sauce made with turtle wine,

Homemade medalions pressed so fine,

Pricey portabellos, little suprise bursts of flavor.

Enrapt I am with your endeavour.

From different worlds but needing similar things,

We tempt vulnerability and accept our strings.

Together, we move forward, make plans in each camp

Parenting, travelling...baggages unpacked.

From jazz to humour with food, dance and song

Company we are and inspired as we go along.

Grateful for honoring, swaying in acknowledgement

Holding our space tenderly, cherishing our accompaniment.

I feel your protection; understand your concern.

Appreciate your encouragement, and respect your berm.

I welcome your love & attention in whichever form

and I send you mine without judgement or scorn.

Tidal Gifts of Gratitude

To open a treasure

So coveted and protected

Is an honour indeed.

To discover a strength

So natural to seed

Is an uncommon release

You showed me a place where

I felt the surge of love

I felt the tides of vulnerability

And swam in their warmth.

I thank you through tears

With love and acceptance

Respect and admiration

For showcasing the me I had long forgotten.

As I doze, the wings of OK wrap around me

In the softest place of comfort.

I see my emotion as real, and the crazy time will pass.

I know who I am, peace and happiness will return

Within my own arms.

Light, Fire, Desire

There is a light

Sometimes only a flicker

When the darkness comes

My thoughts seem thicker

But,

There is a fire

Deep in my gut

Where flames are so hot

Feels so strange not to touch

Still,

There is a whisper

Of hope and aspiration

How do we share the words

When only a few listen

‘cause

In those few there is a fever

So strong and so true

That will only grow greater

When passed from me to you

Ginger Light

Ginger root and bamboo shoots

Take my mind to distant places

Exotic potions and far off notions

Fuel my imagination

Where is my peace, so salty I can taste it?

Life is so sweet there can be no better combination.

Dwellings toxic yet calm in the middle

Trick us into time to doddle & diddle.

Keep your eye on the goal, the shining bright light.

Be yourself, truth in glory with people who fuel

The most precious you, a bright jewel.

Gabriel will guide, Michael with sithe.

Funneling energies with warm uprising winds.

Pay attention to love coming.

A new beat is drumming.

The darkness rescinds.

AngELEANOR

Singing sweetly good morning dawn
Waking yes, the dark is gone
La-las and do-ahs explore the air
From a Beauty, a soul so fair

Sweet music to her Mama's ears
Grasping each note, engraving tears
Such happiness of being awake
Aliveness and lightness for granted we take

Witnessing the spirit...a sprite ignites.

Afternoon Nap...

Breathe easy, take your time
Catch your peace and unwind
Lean in close and unwrap your mind
Let me catch your thoughts with mine

Dive into my eyes, don't be afraid
To take the sadness away unscathed
Dance with lips and connect with senses
We meld with love and acceptance

Spooning and resting in comfort's mesh
Without unleashing the river's best
Keeping a fragile state in check
Despite undeniable horniness

Rusty Truth

Life is so beautiful

No matter how long or how short.

How full or how empty.

From the babe to the earth worm.

We all come from Divine Creation,

be it God, Gaia or Ganesh

And we all have Divine characteristics

Look past walls of protection.

Spirit connects through whispers of our dreams

And dances among us throughout the day.

Are you hearing their music, their guidance

Their laughter and love?

As they sweep some away to a realm outside of ours

We weep.

Our emotions grease the wheels of our lives

So too will they segue way our losses to different jubilations.

It is our nature and desire to be happy,

Unburdened by sadness and lack.

It’s important to find the new normal,

the new person created from loss.

And still love ourselves.

For we are not broken

But strengthened in a different way with a different source.

Our deep connection to people who have been plucked

Is not dissolved but purified and magnified

Within Divinity.

Until we meet again.

Air Whispers

Open the window

Let the breeze in

Feel the whispers of a million lands

Caress your skin

Let the wisdom catch your breath

And guide you to your next step

Dream of the places and realms you’ve never been

Accept the gift the breeze brings.

This air wave of hope and acceptance cannot be caught

So include your wish for humanity as it passes through

And acknowledge all you’ve gained and all you’ve sought

For it is within the lofty wind you will find you.

Underbelly.

Yes I can love

Yes you can love

But can we be vulnerable?

What happens when our bellies are exposed?

What happens when our heels have been cut?

Will you keep me safe, let me heal?

Will you help me stand again?

Not prop me up, but help me find my legs again so I can on my own?

Will you hold my hand?

Will you push me over the edge knowing I’ll fly?

Will you insist upon me believing in me?

Will you grow, will you stretch?

Will you bring me with you?

Will you be vulnerable to me?

Can we count on each other and keep our circle sacred?

Will you celebrate me and I you?

Show me your underbelly.

I am here to offer my green glow

I am here to share my yellow beam

I am here to shower my purple haze

And protect you in our journey.